Spiritual Dryness

Monasterio de Tarlac where a relic of the Holy Cross is enshrined (San Jose, Tarlac)

How easy it is to be faithful to one's prayer life when insights and high-impact messages flow like a river.  During such moments I feel like I can spend hours in solitude, doing nothing but simply listening to the Spirit's promptings. But when I am faced with moments of seeming emptiness, when nothing seems to happen even if I try to stay in prayer and reflective mode and have tried all that had worked in the past, I feel like running away and telling God, "Ayaw mo, huwag mo!"

Such moments, which feel like God's silent treatment, many spiritual gurus would call spiritual dryness.  It seems like God is giving me a cold shoulder and my automatic response, as in most instances, is to withdraw and run away.  I have better things to do.  And yet, I am also taught that during such moments God continues to be near and that the effort to stay despite the seeming emptiness is a prayer in itself.  

I find myself in this state these past few days.  In my desperation to feel God's presence, I'd like to do something else, anything if only to have another one of those dramatic encounters with Her.  Yet, God seems to be reminding me that prayer is not just about me, that praying in itself is grace.  I need to trust that in this moment when nothing seems to be happening, God is doing something.  And I find myself taking consolation in this song based on the prayer of St. Anselm of Canterbury inspired by his own struggle with finding God in the midst of spiritual dryness. 

Teach My Heart

O Lord, my God, teach my heart where and how to seek You.


Teach my heart where and how to find You. 

You are my God and my Lord and I've never seen You.


You've made me and remade me and bestowed on me all the good things I have.

And still I do not know You.


I have not done that for which I was made. 

O Lord, my God, teach my heart where and how to seek You.


Teach my heart where and how to find You,


for I cannot see You unless You teach me,


or find You unless You show Yourself to me.

 Let me seek You in my desire.

Let me desire You in my seeking.


Let me find You by my loving You now.


Let me love You when I find You.

Teach me, Lord.
Teach my heart where and how to find You.

(Music by Jandi Arboleda, lyrics arranged by Norman Agatep)