Hit by FOMO

Letting go doesn't mean losing everything. (Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi: 2015)

"When I start doing ______, please hit my head with a cast iron pan."   This statement is something my close friends and I utter to one another often, and the blank can be filled with anything from something as hideous as wearing fish-net stockings to something as obnoxious as acting like a diva and to something as piteous as being in an abusive relationship and being clueless about it.    

This morning, in the absence of my friends and while alternately reading from and fumbling with my smart phone, Kindle, and tablet, I felt like I was dealt with the cast iron pan.  The image I saw was that of a pan with bold letters printed on it - FOMO!  FOMO,a millennial acronym which stands for Fear Of Missing Out, perfectly describes my state these days.  

I am supposed to be on slow-down mode since leaving my job three months ago, but I haven't really felt rested much of the time.  I had been freed of the demands of my job only to realise that I had created new pressures, many of which unnecessary.  Not wanting to miss out on latest updates and downloadable reading materials, I'd find myself scrambling between my gadgets: reading something haphazardly on my phone while waiting for a file to be downloaded on my Kindle, while at the same time also checking on another link that I'm opening on my tablet.  It makes me feel dizzy just thinking about it now, but that's how things had been for a while. 

Even as I struggle to absorb everything that the digital world is feeding me, by my bed are five paperbacks that I also squeeze into my reading time.  And beside the books are two colouring books where I've started working on two projects, both of which I've not completed. 

Now that I sit and reflect, I can hear clearly what my inner Self had been trying to tell me.  My tiredness comes from this need to take in all the information and stimuli around me. I'm exhausted because I feel overly responsible so that I'm too scared of leaving any stone unturned - at all times! I can't fully enjoy the pleasures I've created for myself and for my loved ones because at the back of my mind I'm wondering if there's something better we should be doing. I look forward to my regular Skype dates with a dear friend but end up unable to fully engage (and sometimes even getting grouchy) because another part of me feels that I should be sleeping already or should be spending quiet time with one of the five books by my bed. I get frustrated that my decluttering and minimalism exercise is not making much progress because I'm often torn among the many resources on minimalism that I've downloaded and wanted to read.  I feel like that hand that tries to grab everything but, in the end, is left with none. 

So, now that I am back to my senses, I remind myself of the basic principle of minimalism: to let go of what is unimportant and what does not bring joy and meaning to my life so that I will have the time and energy to savour that which is truly important.  I can let go of the rest. I won't die and my motherland won't be any worse off if I don't get a blow-by-blow account of the counting of election returns.   The authors won't feel bad if I focus on one book at a time. The Church will not fall apart if I am not aware of every single attack on her.  The colouring books will still be there and the loved ones who gifted me with the books won't complain if I opt to focus on one piece at a time. I need to remind myself that much of these things I'm pressuring myself with are actually meant to de-stress me and to add meaning and depth to my life.  And so I pray. . . .

SLOW ME DOWN, LORD

Slow me down, Lord.

Ease the pounding of my heart

by the quieting of my mind.

Teach me the art of slowing down,

to look at a flower, to chat to a friend,

To read a few lines from a good book.

Remind me each day of the fable

of the hare and the tortoise,

that I may know that the race is not always to the swift, 

that there is more to life than increasing its speed.

Let me look upward into the branches

of the towering oak and know that it is great and strong

because it grew slowly and well.  

Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me

To send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values,

that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny. 

Calm me down, Lord, with your presence.

Open my heart

to the smooth flowing of your serene spirit. 

I am grateful to find this calm moment in your presence

for I have been too excited,

too busy with many activities. 

I want to rest, Lord, in the shade of your power and love. 

Restore my strength as only you know how. 

Lord, I entered the battle with all my heart,

and did not shrink from helping others who needed me.

Your kindness now rests on me

Like the pacifying blessing I have been yearning for. 

No disquiet stirs in me because you lead me

to the sweet repose of a clear and quiet conscience.

I try to fulfil my part in creation and in the harmony of life. 

Lord, overshadow me with your blessing.

Working side by side with my brothers and sisters for a better world,

I find the meaning of my life.

Give me the opportunity to soothe my spirit.

I take refuge in you, Lord.