Beauty in Brokenness

Broken but beautiful  (Secret Garden, Tagaytay City, 2014)

On my way to my 7:00 AM appointment with my CST therapist and stuck in the usual morning traffic in the Metropolis, the lines of a song playing on the radio caught my attention.

You will always be beautiful in my eyes 

And the passing years will show

That you will always grow

evermore beautiful in my eyes.

It felt like God was speaking to me through the song.  No, it was like God was singing to me, reassuring my battered self-worth that, to Him, I would always be beautiful.  Beautiful and special in His eyes. Beautiful in a deep way, in a way beyond the measures of this world.

I needed to hear that song that morning even if I wasn't fully aware that I did. My mind didn't know but my body did, as I would find out during my CST session.  "Your solar plexus is very weak.  Your solar plexus is depleted,"  said my therapist, upon placing her hands on the back of my abdominal area.

Reflecting on what she said, I thought about the solar plexus and what this area of the chakras represents on the psycho-emotional plane.  Self-worth issues. Lack of control over one's life. I didn't even have to think harder or dig deeper.  I knew that the uncertainty of work and the change in my lifestyle which is partly a conscious choice and partly  a result of my current personal circumstances had to do with this. It's so easy to fall into feelings of self-pity and to question my giftedness when my attempts to find work engagements that feed the stomach and the soul have been leading to dead-ends.   It is so easy to fall into the trap of self-doubt and hopelessness.

Some days it is easy to remind myself of God's song to me that Thursday morn. Some days it just doesn't work. These are days when everything feels ugly and disappointing, days when even God seems absent. On days like these, I just say a quiet prayer from the Scriptures: "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief."

On checking the web for some recommendations for healing the solar plexus, I noticed that the first few items on the list referred to things I had been too lazy to do recently:  spending time under the sun, exercising, putting some effort to dress and groom myself. My body is calling me out once again, and God is gently nudging me to get me back on track. It is true that I am beautiful in God's eyes but that shouldn't be an excuse from flexing some physical and emotional muscles to be beautiful in my own eyes as well.