And there was light . . .

While preparing for our recent trip to Puerto Princesa, one of the things I ensured was that we were booked for a trip to the Puerto Princesa Subterranean River.  While this wasn't my first time to go to Palawan or to Puerto Princesa, a visit to the underground river proved elusive during the first four visits - once due to poor weather condition, once because I was not able to book early enough for a trip and therefore didn't have the registration papers, and twice because it just was not part of our plan. Since I was traveling with my son this time and this is a must-see for being declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site and being one of the new Seven Wonders of Nature, I felt a little pressured to have it in our itinerary and actually make it.  We had booked it for the first day so that, if for some reason the trip would be cancelled, we had three more days to try and go.  

Thankfully, things went as I had hoped. The trip pushed despite that of the day before being cancelled because of the low pressure area.  No climbing, no crawling, no dragging.  It was a nice and easy ride in a boat. Looking back, however, I feel that because it was such an easy ride without the challenge of stretching my whole body, mind, and spirit to explore and conquer the cave, it also didn't feel exciting enough or as moving as my experiences in Sumaging (Sagada) or in Cantabon (Siquijor).  

I may sound a bit of a spoiler but what I'd consider to be the most marvelous part of the journey inside the cave was not seeing the different stalactites, stalagmites, and chambers ingeniously given labels such as Mickey Mouse, Last Supper, London's St. Paul's Cathedral, and various vegetables and fruits.  Rather, it was when, from a distance, I saw light from the outside.  

More than relief over surviving the boat ride inside the pitch-black creepy cave filled with bats. I felt the Divine's gentle presence.  There is light at the end of the tunnel (or cave in this case).  Our inner journey into the dark and scary parts of ourselves are bound to end in some kind of light. It may not always mean a happy resolution of things, but it almost always leads to a deeper understanding and appreciation of oneself and of the Divine working in each of us. These were the messages that my unconscious picked up.

The experience and the photo above, which I think captures this marvelous experience quite well, hold my soul these days.  I know that something is brewing inside. The signs are loud and clear. Vivid images in my dream world stay for days. Subtle but nagging emotional reactions grip me. My spirit is calling out, and somehow, I know that there is nothing to be afraid of.  All I need to do is to stay, listen, and trust that the dark will not kill me.  What strikes me as a different and pleasantly surprising response from me now - quite different from a decade ago - is that I feel a strength inside that comes from knowing that, even if the dark actually kills me, I will die being held by the Divine and a new and better Self will rise from this death.