A Wiser Swan at 45

We were walking leisurely by the bank of the River Thames when I spotted a flock of swans and cygnets.  Immediately, I felt the Spirit calling.  We just had to stop - to take pictures and to "connect" with the swans.  Something began to brew, but the brewing process would not culminate until a few days after - on my 45th birthday.  

The story of the ugly duckling is one of the stories I held very close to my heart during an important juncture in my healing process about 15 years back.  True to the words of Jungian analyst and cantadora Clarissa Pinkola Estes, the story became some kind of light in my tunnel of healing and personal integration.  

That Saturday afternoon, my friend Joyce and I found ourselves talking about the ugly duckling that we were once made to feel by other kids who took pleasure in teasing others.  She by kids in the community, I by some cousins. In what had become like a mantra to me, I would savour the time when at last I discovered the beauty I actually possessed - both inner and outer. 

The birthday mood of the coming days though brought me home to a deeper reflection on my inner journey from ducklinghood to swanhood.  Beyond the beauty and talents I recognized and learned to affirm myself for, I had seen in me a wiser swan.  And that was the theme of the silent celebration of my 45th birthday.  

Yes, I am a graceful and regal swan, but I am also a wise swan!  This swan wisdom I had gained not by comparing myself to, and measuring myself against, others or by getting ahead of the flock but by quietly looking into the depths of the water where I found my real Self mirrored with clarity.   It was allowing myself the space to be alone and to see myself for who I really am that brought me home to my Self.  

The wiser swan that I am now knows better the real pack to which I belong.  I don't have to try to make everyone approve of me and like me because in my pack I am accepted and loved as I am.  The wise swan that I am also knows that being alone is not necessarily a lonely place but a sacred space to connect deeply with my Self and with my God.  Most importantly, the wise swan in me has to let go of the things I wanted but never had and is slowly learning the art of appreciating everything that comes my way and seeing each as gift.