My Many Tangled Selves

Sometimes I feel like I'm a very resilient person, thriving amidst adversity.  Those times I hold in my heart the many times and ways I had managed to overcome challenging life situations, and I feel confident that even amidst a very harsh life situation I will survive and thrive. I feel then that I am a flower in full bloom. 

Other times, I feel like a budding flower - with so much still to experience and learn.  I would sometimes experience the quiet surge in my emotional thermometer between feelings of inadequacy and hope.  On the other side of the person who has yet to arrive is one who feels a deep sense of hope that I have within me the potential to bloom - become a better person, become the person I want to be and am meant to become.   

Still at other times, I feel like I am in my sunset years even if I have not even reached my golden.  Panic grips me as the thought of the finiteness of my life becomes more real.   Yet, this adult-in-panic also feels a certain confidence in wisdom gained from many years of trying to lead an integrated, conscious life.  Then it feels like I have so much to give still by dying to myself like a mature flower that disintegrates but scatters seeds of new life to the ground.

Once, while walking along the sides of a football field, the Spirit whispered to me in a special way through a stem with dandelions at three different stages of their life.  It revealed to me that I, too, have all three aspects alive in my heart.  

I am a budding flower.  

I am a flower in full bloom.  

I am a dying flower.