Lesson 1: Say only what you mean

It was a rainy school day.  Wanting to to prolong the life of my son's black leather shoes, I asked my son to wear his old black shoes instead of the new one that he is now using.  I noticed that he was dillydallying.  When I finally warned him that we had to leave soon as I didn't want to get stuck in traffic, he rushed out of his room with his rubber shoes.  While tying the shoe lace, he asked me for the 3rd time that morning perhaps whether he really couldn't wear his new leather black shoes.  For the 3rd time too I explained that we were expecting heavy rains and his shoes would get soaked in flood in case the rains didn't let up.  Still hoping to strike a win, he asked me another time.  Exasperated and desperate to leave lest I miss my regular ride, I replied, "Bahala ka.  'Pag nabakbak ang balat niyan, pagtiyagaan mo isuot."  

He went in again and to my surprise came out with his black leather shoes.  When I asked what he was doing, he said, "Di ba sabi mo bahala ako?"  My thought bubble said, "Toink!"  In my head, I was laughing at myself.  

Didn't I know this from effective communication?  Didn't I  lecture on this when I used to give sessions on healthy communication patterns in the family?  

I know this should apply to all our relationships, but most especially when we are dealing with our children, it is so important to be careful with the messages we send.  Always, we should only say what we mean and mean what we say.  Not only will this spare us from facing the consequences of having our children get away with rules that are non-negotiable;  it will also help us to model to them accurate communication that does not use double messages which could lead to mind-guessing and perhaps to unnecessary  emotional wounds.