Allowing Christ to Calm My Inner Storm

That elusive inner peace (Lake Danao National Park, Leyte; 2008)

It's amazing how the Spirit uses unexpected things to reach out to us.

I was looking at a photo of Lake Danao taken almost 10 years ago and was struck by the placid lake. When will I experience such peace again, I asked my inner Self. It had a been a while.

The musing over the longing for peace led me to the scriptures, to the scene where Christ calmed a storm. I looked up the verses and chose the narration of Mark (4:35-41) as the way Christ spoke to the disciples in this version appealed to my compassion-hungry spirit at present.  Following the Lectio Divina, I focused on Jesus' response to the disciples who woke him up in panic: "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" As I did a litany of all the fears I have at present, Christ said very little but the look in His eyes spoke of a kindness and assurance I've not seen in a long while. I am at a point when I feel I am alone in this battle I'm currently facing, but by bringing me close to Him and wrapping His arms around me, I felt less scared. And I thought, if only I could bring this sense of peace and calm into my real life. He didn't say anything.  Instead, He drew me closer to Him, as if to say that I could remain in this safe and warm embrace as long as I want to, that it's up to me to decide not to wander away and let myself fall for the outer storms again.

How astonishing that while I was leaning on Him, enveloped by His arms, Christ reminded me of my circumstances when the photo was taken. It was Holy Week, the first since my ex-husband and I parted ways officially, i.e., after he left our shared home. I was also troubled then but my distress was coming not from the separation, which I had prepared myself for through a long process of counseling and spiritual guidance, but from the reaction of my family, particularly my mother who couldn't accept that her daughter would end up in a broken marriage. He also reminded me of how, at the time, I was struggling financially as well, as I and my son had to live practically on my income as an individual consultant. He reminded me of the many breakthroughs I've had, not only in the area of finances but also in the sphere of family life. As a bonus, I was reminded of how, financially hard-up that I was, I still had the luxury of visiting the beautiful Danao Lake. I was invited by the formator of a religious congregation for a meeting in Ormoc, and a close friend asked his friend to bring me and the priest I was visiting with to Danao Lake. The short contemplation was both an assurance of God's faithful love and generosity as well as an affirmation of my inner strength and resilience.

When things begin to overwhelm me again, maybe I should just go back to this image of me wrapped in Christ's embrace while sitting in a boat surrounded by a peaceful lake. Then, perhaps, I will have the courage to say to myself, "there is nothing to fear."