Apo Island: A Beauty to Behold, An Experience to Contemplate

The beautiful rock formation that welcomed us to the Apo Island (2010)

Apo Island in Dauin, Negros Oriental is one place that holds a special place in my heart. What was supposed to be an innocent exploration of a new place and experience ended up mirroring to me the depth of my trust issues.

Since our group arrived in Malapatay station way too early for the first trip to Apo Island, I took the time to savor the early morning view of the horizon and the sea. I was filled with excitement at the prospect of snorkeling for the first time and doing so in a marine sanctuary. After more than an hour's wait we finally boarded the boat, a simple outrigger, that would bring us to Apo Island. While we were warned about the turbulent sea in the afternoon, we were not prepared for huge morning waves that left us wet and screaming to the heavens. The 45-minute boat ride seemed like hours but our nervousness and fear were immediately replaced with awe as we approached the shore and were welcomed by a beautiful rock formation.  "No pain, no gain," I said to myself.

My excitement grew even more as we walked to the other side of the island, the starting point of the snorkeling and exploration. On the side, I was astonished at how the community was not just friendly to tourists but also had a strong sense of ownership and responsibility for their marine sanctuary.

Snorkeling was the main event of the trip. Excited as I was, I began to panic once in the water as I couldn't breathe properly. Nicknamed Talong, our guide, who would later become MY guide alone, patiently provided me guidance. Slowly he led me from panic to openness to a new experience and to new ways of breathing.  Mindful of the need to protect the corals and of how scared I was, Talong gently guided me through the marine life of Apo Island. We agreed that when I had difficulty breathing or needed to go above water, I would just press his hand (as if I wasn't already pressing it) and he'd lead me to a place where I could stand without stepping on the corals.

I slowly forgot about my fears and anxieties as he led me to the most beautiful underwater life I had seen so far. I would jokingly say later that I finally found Nemo.  It was a delight being surrounded by a school of clownfish and all the other kinds of fish and corals.  I didn't realize, until then, that underwater life could be so beautiful. I muttered a word of gratitude to our Creator for such a wonderful life I was witnessing.

Our exploration was smooth sailing  and working like clockwork until a shroud of darkness hovered over me again. "What if Talong suffered a heart attack while we're here, away from everyone else?" Panic was slowly gripping me again. How could I not trust that everything would be fine?  Thankfully, I managed to anchor myself on the Spirit's re-assurance that I was safe, that I wouldn't be abandoned but not after a long internal debate and struggle. "Let go and let God take care of you," I told my scared inner child.  Once able to let let loose my fears, I was able to once again savor the beauty of sea life as we moved from the corals and schools of fish to the sanctuary of sea turtles.  What an amazing experience!  I was literally swimming with sea turtles.

As we headed back to land, I was quietly thanking God for the experience and my Self for braving the experience in spite of my many fears. I could only be grateful that I chose to continue on even if a small fearful voice was at some point calling me back to the safety of the shore. It was a beauty I couldn't have known had I given in to my fears.

I remembered this experience this morning while waiting for my laundry at the Laundromat and as I pondered today's reflection in Catholic Daily Reflections. My Apo Island snorkeling experience accurately captures what abandonment of self to God means for me at this time. And as I recall the experience, I'm moved to look at how God is once more inviting me to abandon myself to His faithful love during this time of prolonged uncertainty and deep anxiety.  Can I trust enough despite my fears? Can I trust Him as much as I trusted Talong of Apo Island?  Can I trust the beauty of life with Him that is waiting for me as I fearfully and slowly find my way through the new ways of doing and being that She is inviting me to consider?

As always, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."